Formal Letter of Introduction
Dear Prof Brad,
I want to use this opportunity to introduce myself. Ng Jing Kai is my full name, but you may call me Jayden. I'm a freshman in the mechanical engineering major who is enrolled in your critical thinking and communicating class.
I earned a diploma in aerospace engineering from Temasek Polytechnic in 2020 before selecting to enroll in the Singapore Institute of Technology's mechanical engineering program. I became interested in airplanes as I could remember and used to be in awe of airliners taking off from the airport during my youth. For my internship, I served as an aircraft interior technician at a Canadian company that specializes in private aircraft interiors. Aside from academics and work, some of my hobbies include badminton, road cycling, and golf. I am also working towards starting a road cycling club here in SIT.
Coming into university, I consider the ability to form relationships to be one of my strengths. This was developed during my time serving in the National Service, where I frequently had to interact with superiors, colleagues, and subordinates from my company in both formal and casual contexts.
I find that I tend to be easily distracted, usually from a text or phone notification in the lecture hall, and might make the speaker feel ignored. Thus, weakness in terms of communication would be a break in active listening.
My two main objectives for this module are to improve my written communication skills, particularly my ability to write professionally. We must have a foundational knowledge of professional writing in the workplace as we begin our careers. Additionally, I want to develop my ability to actively listen by avoiding phone distractions and exploring ways to let the speaker know we in the audience are paying attention, such as maximizing eye contact.
“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” I resonate with this statement and in your upcoming classes, I'm looking forward to delving into the world of Critical Thinking and Effective Communication.
Best regards,
Jayden
Thanks for your post.
ReplyDeleteHi Jayden, i feel there are some grammatical errors:
ReplyDelete1. "I'm a freshman in the mechanical engineering major who is enrolled in your critical thinking and communicating class." I think that who 'is' probably with the 'is' will be better.
Hi Jayden, just some of my opinions:
ReplyDelete1. "Coming into university, I consider the ability to form relations to be one of my strengths." You might want to consider empowering yourself by stating 'my ability' instead of 'the ability'. And for 'form relations' feels a bit lacking. A suggestion will be "Coming into university, I consider my ability to form relationship easily with complete strangers to be my strength".
2. "I find that I tend to be easily distracted, usually from a text or phone notification in the lecture hall and might make the speaker feel ignored." You stated that "might make the speaker feel ignored" by what? Probably have to rephrase your sentence a bit.
3. "Thus, a weakness in terms of communication would be a break in active listening." Remember to mention 'my' weakness.
4. "My two main objectives for this module are to improve my written communication skills, particularly my ability to write professionally." There is only mention of one objective.
5. "I resonate with this statement and in your upcoming classes, I'm looking forward to delving into the world of Critical Thinking and Effective Communication." I think that it should be 'I look forward', instead of 'I'm looking forward'.
Hi Lucas, thanks for the detailed feedback and i have noted your points. See you in class and for badminton this wednesday!
DeleteHi Jayden, it was nice to read your introductory letter which was structurally organised and knowing how you were my senior from TP AEG.
ReplyDeleteHere are some of my feedbacks regarding your letter..
Para 1: Since it is a formal letter, I think it is best that you don't use "I'm" and use I am instead.
Para 2: "I became interested in airplanes since I could remember and used to be in awe of airliners taking off from the airport during my youth." Maybe you can say, "I became interested in aircraft during my youth as I could remember being in awed of airliners taking off from the airport."
"I served as an aircraft interior technician at a Canadian company who specializes in private aircraft interiors" should be "that specializes" instead of "who".
Then you should put Singapore Institute of Technology (SiT)'s before introducing or using SiT in your following sentences as not everyone will know you are referring the school as SIT.
Para 4: You might want to rephrase this paragraph. I guess you can state your weakness first before explaining why is it a weakness.
Para 5: You might also want to state the 2 main objectives together in the first line before elaborating further.
Other than that, I think your letter is good to go!
Hi Aziera, thanks for taking the time to give constructive feedback! I have noted your points and updated it. Looking forward to seeing you in class!
DeleteHi Jayden, I will be leaving a feedback of your letter. I feel that paragraph 4 can be phrased better. Also in paragraph 5, you said that you have 2 main objectives in the module but you only listed one of them. However, I noticed that you have listed your second objective later on. I think the entire paragraph can be phrased better as well. Overall, I think its a really good letter. Hoping to see how this letter will change by the end of the module.
ReplyDeleteHi Kelvin, thanks for your comments and i have updated the letter. See you in class!
DeleteDear Jayden,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear, concise and informative letter. I appreciate the well focused content being aligned with the assignment brief, the clear organization and the nearly flawless language use. In the process you've provided detailed supports for each specific topic area, allowing us readers to gain a fairly clear understanding of who you are.
From the discussion of your experience in your education, in the workplace and in various CA activities, it's easy to see that you have great potential as a well rounded communicator in our module. In terms of challenges such as developing better focus, it's clear you are motivated to improve and for that and with your writing you'll have plenty of chances in our module.
You can also be heartened that you have already inspired your classmates to learn about you and give you feedback.
We look forward to working with you during the rest of the term.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Prof Brad,
DeleteThank you for taking the time to read my letter. I appreciate all the feedback and i hope to learn more from you in the coming classes.
Regards,
Jayden